So, here we are. Just the two of us.
I take it you're here because you're like me in a way. Maybe you're a stay at home mom looking to bring in a little extra cash without having to get a 9-5? Or maybe you just want to read about a random persons life to escape your own for a moment? Then again maybe you just need a recipe for some bomb-ass chili. 🤷♀️ Whatever the reason you are here, I'm glad you came. Many days I've sat here (in between cleaning the house, half assed attempts at working out and running around after 3 dogs, 2 cats, 2 kids and a husband) and pondered all the different ways to help bring in money to support my family. From having an Etsy store to trying to sell feet pictures (I mean, I heard it was a thing...😏) but I have yet to find something that suits me. So here's another attempt to try to help support my family while being a stay at home mom.
"Why don't you just get a job? Something part time? Mom hours maybe?"
Well the answer is both simple and complex at the same time. I have social anxiety (as well mixed anxiety-depressive disorder). Social anxiety causes me to have irrational fears when interacting in social situations. Irrational fears of judgement which causes me to feel embarrassed. Irrational fears of possible scenarios that may occur. Really it's hard to even think of working outside the home without triggering a panic attack or anxiety attack. My heart starts racing and my thoughts immediately go to everything bad that could happen. Not everyone understands what it's like to live with... well... any form of anxiety really. But I can promise you, it isn't something you can just switch on and off like a light in a room. It sucks and it leaves me feeling guilty on a daily basis.
Moving on... I'm 34 years old and as I mentioned above I have 2 kids. My sweet and kind hearted son, Leland, who is almost 12, and my beautiful and compassionate daughter, Amory, who is 8. It's a struggle being a mom. It's a struggle being a mom in general, but I think it's even more difficult being a mom dealing with anxiety of different forms and severe depression. I'm constantly questioning my actions as a mother. Laying in bed every night with self-accusations of the days events and how I could have handled them differently and will handle them differently tomorrow. I lose sight of that in the moment. It would be so much easier if I didn't have a constant internal monologue going on in my head every second of every waking hour. But this is what I've lived with since I was about 13 years old, and will live with the rest of my days.
I grew up in Boca Raton, Florida. It wasn't too bad. We lived in a nice gated community with lots of kids to play with. It was a two story house. 3 bedrooms & 2 bathrooms upstairs, downstairs there was an office, 2 living rooms, dining room, kitchen, and laundry room along with another full size bathroom. It was a good home to grow up in. That was back when neighborhoods were safe. We could stay out till after dark with our friends. We could ride our bikes on our own all over town without any fears (and I did). In the neighborhood my older brother and I played street/roller hockey, touch and tackle football, dodgeball (which was my favorite), rollerbladed, rode our bikes, played at the neighborhood clubhouse and swam at the pool in the summer. It was a good childhood. One I wish my children could experience...
Fast forward back to the present, I'm married to my husband of 9 years, Chris. We met back in 2005 (in a yahoo chat room). We had an instant connection. He lived in SC at the time and I lived in GA. We met up after a few months of talking and went to a concert together. Unfortunately life in different states took us in different directions and we lost communication for about 5 years. I ended up having my son Leland and after he turned a year old his father and I decided to go our separate ways. Throughout those 5 (crazy) years I always wondered what could have been with Chris and where he was and what he was doing. One day, I decided to try and reach out to him. I got his number from a "friend of a friend" of his, and sent him a text message. It had to be fate because it ended up that he was coming to GA that weekend for a trip to Six Flags. I went and met up with him and the rest is history. We got together and never looked back. He eventually moved to GA to be with me and my son. Then shortly after we got married we had our daughter. But let me just tell you, married life is NO walk in the park! Lordt! It is HARD work. We have been through the highest of highs and the absolute lowest of lows. But at the end of the day we are stronger for it and more in love because of it.
Moving forward, we have 3 rescue dogs. Our old man is Jack. He's about 12 years old (give or take) and is a Boston terrier. Our middle furry child is Zeus. He's around 5 or 6 and an American Staffordshire terrier. Then there is the baby of the bunch Apollo he's 4 months old and is a Staffordshire terrier / Chihuahua / sporting dog mix. I promise its the truth, we had him DNA tested! 😂 We also have 2 hairless cats. Yep! They are as naked as a jaybird! Lou is 6 and Rok is 4. Then there is Gator. She's an axolotl. An axolotl is a weird little creature that lives in cold water. They are only found in one river in Mexico and are critically endangered in the wild, but they're thriving in captivity! Sitting on our kitchen counter we have a couple of goldfish that don't have any names, I'm sure at one point they did but we've since forgotten them and last but definitely not least, Amory has a little cutie patootie hamster named Levi. It's a zoo around here, but I wouldn't have it any other way!
Before I let you go, I want to tell you a little about some of my favorite things. I will get into them in further detail in blogs to come I'm sure, so think of this as a little...sample platter, if you will. I love all animals. I'm big into arts and crafts of every description. I love to hike and camp or just being outside when it's nice out. If it's hot, forget it! I like tattoos, music, watching movies and obviously relaxing at home. I collect Funko Pops and Walking Dead merchandise. Finally, my main goal in life is to end up off grid, as self sufficient as possible living a minimalistic lifestyle with my amazing family.
Thank you so very much for stopping by and taking the time to get to know me a little better. I hope you come back soon! Feel free to subscribe so you can take this journey with me!
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